I cannot be the only person who furiously googles and self-diagnoses using webMD, Healthline, and eMedicine. Do any of you do this too?

I’ve had this weird inflamed itchy rash on my arms and legs for the past few days and have thought, in all seriousness, that maybe I have some incurable disease which will eventually render me unable to function. I realize how crazy that sounds, and I do try to walk myself off that ledge by taking a deep breath and mental inventory of how many times I’ve overreacted and survived a health scare / inconvenience (many times, in fact, every single time because I am still here).

Still, whenever anything doesn’t feel normal in my body, my first instinct is to google the shit out of it, and eventually I go down the webMD rabbit hole. I am almost always wrong when I try to figure it out myself, yet I cannot stop myself from digging. None of my research looked good – could have been anything from bed bugs to an incurable autoimmune disease.

I was trying to chill the F out this morning even as I noticed numerous new bumps on my legs, and decided to go to an urgent care doctor. Turns out that doctor said it’s just a common type of reaction to something that may have touched my legs a week ago… what that *thing* was, we don’t know. But apparently it goes away with some prescription ointment and baby butt cream. So that’s what I’ll be slathering myself with tonight… not my expensive Shiseido concoctions, but diaper rash cream and steroidal balm.

Even as I write this, I’m not entirely convinced I’m going to be okay. My anxiety is still screaming at me inside my body, and it’s actually hard to distinguish between IT and the itching from my rash. Logic tells me this is completely ridiculous… emotionally I’m the meme of the dude looking at himself in the mirror like ‘WHY ARE U LIKE THIS??’

Meanwhile I’m just fucking itchy everywhere.

HAPPY SUNDAY I HOPE NO ONE ELSE GETS A RASH!!

xo

Trace